Top Stories - Global buttociated News loveual Experimentation With Gerbil Lands Man In Hospital And Hot Water! GAN Staff Writer New Orleans (GAN) Oct 30, 05 -- Medinwad was admitted to a local hospital yesterday and remains in critical, but stable condition following a freak loveual experiment gone wrong. Paramedics responded to an urgent 911 call from the victim at approximately 8:30 PM when he experienced extreme abdominal pain and severe bleeding after inserting a gerbil in his rectum. It appears that Medinwad inserted a gerbil in his rectum seeking loveual pleasure, however, the loveual experiment went terribly wrong when the gerbil apparently panicked and tore a hole in his colon and lower intestinal tract attempting to dig his way out. As a result, the patient experienced extreme pain and internal bleeding. Because of the risk of a bacterial infection due to the exposure of feces in the blood stream, doctors will continue close monitoring for the next 72 hours. Dr. Suzy Stovonovich who is overseeing this situation was quoted as saying "This is a very unusual situation that we have never seen before. Not only is it unsafe to seek loveual pleasure from animals, it's also very cruel to the animal. I would urge anyone reading this story to fulfill your homoloveual desires through experimentation with inanimate love toys or through conventional 'protected' love with another partner". After a full recovery, psychiatric tests will be performed by the APA and the ACLU.
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