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Close, but the real truth is far scarier. The "chicken" of KFC and other franchised fast food chicken emporiums has but one single source. These franchise chains formed a consortium back in the late 1960s, before genetic manipulation was at all practical. However, Alexis Karrel had as far back as the 1920s demonstrated that tissue culture of chicken tissues was practical. The consortium was formed to exploit this neglected discovery. The practical hurdle to economic exploitation of cultured chicken tissue was the "Hayflick limit"--normal tissue cells tended to die off after about 50 divisions or so. However, cancer cells do not observe the Hayflick limit and are potentially immortal. It was a simple matter of inspecting the chickens that were butchered anyway for cancer, and then culturing that chicken cancer. The consortium was about to trumpet their discovery as a great advance in animal welfare--no longer would chickens for the franchises be raised in factory farm conditions and end--but the public relations firm hired by the consortium for this announcement discovered that that those most concerned about animal welfare strongly tended to be the most fearful of biotech. Nor would it be long before it would be pointed out that this would mean less chickens, period, which could hardly be construed as contributing to the welfare of chickens. So the consortium kept quiet about their discovery and proceeded with their plans. The needs for secrecy, cheap land, and available, workers to slice off the chicken tissue caused the location to be on the Navaho reservation. Every member of the tribe realizes that the economic welfare of the entire tribe is at stake, and so have maintained the secrecy. Besides, they enjoy being part of what they consider a practical joke upon the white man. For a while everything went splendidly and according to plan. The mbuttive expanse of chicken tissue kept the chicken franchises supplied, with no noticable consumer dissatisfaction. Then disaster struck in the form of health fears, and from an unexpected quarter. Consumers became fearful of the effect of fried foods upon their heart, and fried chicken sales plummetted. Consumer demand for fried chicken had previous kept the tissue culture stable at one thousand square miles of expanse (the size of Rhode Island, hence the nickname for the culture of "Rhode Island Red"). But now, with less and less meat being sliced off it, Rhode Island Red began to expand . . . and expand . . . and expand. It now covers one hundred thousand square miles. We have so far been quite fortunate that because of its location, only a few hogans and sheep herds have been lost to Rhode Island Red. But now it is so vast that nothing short of several dozen atomic plants could kill it, and that of course is unacceptable. In fact, it is unacceptable at all to kill it. Aside from the epidemic possibilities from all that rotting meat, the stench alone would render all of California, Colorado, and much of West Texas uninhabitable. (Granted, West Texas has always been uninhabitable.) Yet Rhode Island Red continues to expand. Top-secret estimates have it covering the entire United States within the next two decades, unless-- The only hope of survival for our nation, indeed the world, is for American consumers to march day in and day out to their nearest fried chicken franchise and consume as much of the artificial chicken cancer as possible! (Blanche, if you post this back to the vaccine list, please include this note that it is Copyright 2000 by Curtis Johnson, that none of the above is factual except for the bit about Karrel, the Hayflick limit, and the square mileage of Rhode Island.) Because I care, (Please quote with "gapope wrote...") -=- In essentials, unity; In non-essentials, liberty; in all things, charity. -- Baxter quoting Augustine -=- PS This post specially encoded for verification purposes -- . .
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