BROKEBACK MOLEHILL "Homophobia" is defined as "fear of homoloveuals." This adroit political manipulation bothers me not a whit. Were I and my kind to parade down Main Street bragging about heteroloveual conquests and fetishes we would be arrested for violating community standards (being loud, lewd, offensive public jackbuttes). I don't fear queers. Their crbutt public displays disgust me. Do it at the beach with common consent like everybody else. Brokeback Mountain the 2005 movie began as Brokeback Mountain the 1997 short story written by E. Annie Proulx (b. 22 August 1935 in Norwich, Connecticut). Trusting male loveuality to menopausal women is like boarding your dog at a taxidermist. Sure, you'll get it back. Brokeback Mountain is an acclaimed (consider the critics) movie exploring the deep love developed between two alleged cowboys herding thousands of sheep. Cattlemen hate sheep for ruining grazing lands through turf denudation and soil compaction. Cowboys herd cattle, shepherds herd sheep. The thought of two farm boys jumping each other instead of woolly stock animals is downright silly and unnatural. I attended Michigan State University. Ashtabula Zeke described the utility of a low cliff when dating a ewe (not a ram and absolutely not a wether!). One of said movie's advertised graphic enticements is the two buff boys clenched in a desperate embrace, right to right. Two guys out camping with a few thousand sheep for many weeks do not maintain First World standards of personal hygiene. You will not find trails of discarded disposable razors out on the range. Toilet paper is effete. Lanolin and body odor preferences aside, human beings do not hug right to right. Affectionate folks hug left to left to snuggle each other's heartbeats. Try it with your euloveual partner. Nice, eh? You betcha! (Canada mostly imports population. A few Canukistanis do manage to reproduce, but mostly out of wedlock before the age of 20.) The stylized cowboy - waxed chest, Vic Tanny musculature, leather chaps (if anything else), saddle horn - is a powerful homoloveual motif (a popular love plot). Nuclear submarine or Catholic seminary, a batch of young guys crammed into a small volume without benefit of distaff services will do it to something or to each other. Repeatedly. That is what virile males perseveratively do. Tens of thousands of them went bloodily ballistic because Helen of Troy didn't have a face ruined by smallpox scars. Hubba hubba! 1800s' cowboys were predominantly poor white trash and manumitted-escaped Blacks. As a group they were illiterate and foul. They risked their lives in a truly awful job in trade for a paid pittance to be hellaciously squandered in bars and brothels at the end of a cattle drive. If they bathed at all it was not much. What transpired in the interim was not culture, art, or genetic proclivity; it was testosterone. They had themselves a time being brave in the face of adversity. The One True Church is perpetually obsessed by meticulously enumerated sins because it so proficient at internally pursuing them and because it demands a cut of vulgate external action. Greek monastic theologian Evagrius of Pontus (346-99) enumerated eight worldly pleasures (gluttony, fornication, love of money, discontent, anger, despondency, vainglory, pride). The seven deadly sins were polished by Pope St. Gregory the Great (d. 604) in Moralia in Job: Superbia - Pride, greatness Invidia - Envy, possessions Ira - Anger, revenge Avaritia - Avarice, wild desire Tristia - Sorrow (now Sloth), evasion Gula - Gluttony, excess Luxuria - Lust, flesh The seven deadly sins define a roaring affluent achieving happy civilization with 85-year lifespans for its participants. State-imposed alternatives (humility, charity, meekness, generosity, integrity, moderation, chasbreasty) sound like an Arkansas revival tent echoing clerical Accounts Receivable amidst the tooth-challenged. Be small and miserable or God will smite you harder when you shop in the overpriced Company store. Christianity from day one has been a boys club dripping exclusionary clauses and insider trading. The Liberal ordained so vigorously mandate that the productive sacrifice all to the unproductive to gain post mortem escrow despite their successes. Reproduction defaults to the mob. A higher form of love (every man alone for himself) defines management. "Ourselves alone" is very Catholic. Witness how well Ireland has run with Sinn F�in. Brokeback Mountain is a religious paen. It is the story of lost prodigals instinctively seeking redemption through loss and resurrection, with some earnest tonsil sucking amidst acres of sheep dung. Brokeback Mountain is the strategy of Right to Life and Intelligent Design demanding common consideration for their irreversible trespbuttes. Christianity is the Borg Collective of religions. It builds its churches upon the (fresh) ruins of any available temple. God is all about forgiveness. Give Him some inventory with which to work. The Greeks invented really kinky love. The Romans extended it to include women. Let us not turn our (Broke)back on progress. Have some respect for the Marlboro Man pandering addiction and carcinogenesis. Have some respect for soon to be one-lunged (September 1964) John Wayne shoring up American mythos and doing Maureen O'Hara in a mud pit (November 1963). Have some respect for the Chicago stockyards, kill shed sledgehammers evolved into ergonomic pneumatic stunners, and meat packers. And please, God, send those boys a coed hooker who can open Nehi bottles without a church key.
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