Emails from India 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5

From: "Angie Eng" <angie_eng@hotmail.com>
To: mailing list
Subject: short story from India
Date: Thu, 11 Oct 2001 18:10:28 –0400

WHERE DO YOU GO?

This morning Brian awoke with a revelation in which the tourist industry is organized crime of petty thieves in a theatre putting on an act to magically manipulate us into opening our wallets.


You want privacy?

I walked the streets trying to remain open to absorb the new sites, smells and sounds when suddenly a little tout appeared right in my face. He stumbled over my feet almost getting run over by a zooming Ambassador mobile, he shoved his specialty into my face, "POSTCARD, sir?" No does not mean No. You must be inventive in your response to play the game. The questions start any second now so you'd better think of something quick. WHEREAREYOUFROM? WHEREDOYOUGO? WHATISYOURNAME? WHATISYOURPROFESSION? HOWLONGDOYOUSTAY?

I answered his top 10 questions. I fictionalized my response. "I'm from a headhunting tribe in Zimbabwe." "I collect donkey ears to make coin wallet key chains". Next strategy, I posed the questions. This quickly became boring; he only knew enough English to be the interrogator. Unsuccessful, I became one of them. Like a mosquito, I pestered him with questions one after the other until I hit the last one- ‘What would you like to become- A BEGGAR, A THIEF, A TOUT, OR JUST WOULD YOU LIKE TO BOTHER ME?!!’

Sarcasm gets you nowhere. I had offended the child, he was confused, hurt. He suddenly became human, no longer the flea, but scared of my accusations he disappeared. I had won over. The touts are finally gone, but there was an expense; I had been forced to put up a guard, expend negative energy. All Buddhist stature dissipated into a defensive cruelty and I was the rich tourist and they but the desperate poor.

"WHERE DO YOU GO?" can be answered in many ways when you travel. Insane can be one of them when traveling in India.

Monk on meditation break. Bodhgaya, where the Buddha attained enlightenment.

Some mornings you wake up with your urban instincts and within minutes another flea tout is buzzing around you. "GIVEMEARUPEE!" "GIVEMEYOURSHIRT!" "GIVEMECANDY!" "GIVEMEMONEY!" I stopped and looked into his raccoon painted kohl eyes. I redirected all my attention on him. He diverted me from the 11c Jain1 temples surrounded by spring green fields turquoise painted doors on adobe village houses and women dressed in colorful saris bent over beating laundry. Then I lost it.

‘I'LL GIVE YOU SOMETHING, HOW ABOUT A KICK IN THE BUTT!’

Once again, I have conquered the tout and he scampered off like a monkey melting into the landscape he had interrupted my eyes from.

With all cultural differences-what is right to one is wrong to another. India to the Westerner has a huge gap between the two. You will witness the clash when experiencing colonial England's leftover formality clumsily interpreted by middle-aged independent India.

‘Fawlty Towers’2: In the lobby of a Varanasi3 hotel, multiple Manuels ran to and fro like little mice up and down the stairs as the hotel manager continually rang the bell while rolling his eyes at the incompetence of his staff. If they just got rid of the silver platter the awkwardness would go away. Displaced remnants of England is also part of India's charm and history.

When we returned from the Kumbh Mela4 (the 144th anniversary of the holiest Hindu festivals in the world) We stopped at our Varanasi hotel to encounter Manuel who grabbed our bags and rushed upstairs like Quasimodo mouse. In his rush he dropped my sandal of which the hotel manager retrieved from the stairwell. I inform him it was mine. Consequently he could not decide whether to give the sandal to me or to Manuel. It was a stalemate hot potato game with all 3 of us reaching out for the sandal and our heads turned back and forth at one another wondering what to do next. It was then that I imagine Basil jumping over the banister, bopping Manuel on the head, grabbing the sandal, accidentally ripping it in two and with a slow motion bow reached out to give me my torn sandal.

When I entered my room, I closed the door. Solitude at last. It was then that I began to understand the life of a Saddhu5 could only have originated in India. This is a place where finding yourself alone is like finding the goose that laid the golden egg.

I began to understand Indian culture by its revolving around a population of nearly one billion. For instance, while on my travel of a 2 hour bus ride turned 12 hours, with my legs propped on top of luggage, a woman's babe in your arms, my neighbor's elbow in your face, my arm hanging above holding on, I felt like a retarded contortionist attempting yoga class. Yes, stretching your limbs like a pretzel will help make an overcrowded bus much more pleasurable. And hence you will take a few yoga classes on your trip to understand ‘The (partial) Way.

Breathing is also something one must relearn. On the crowded dusty Oliver Twist streets of Calcutta6 you can practice holding your breath for blocks at a time and thinking to yourself, "It’s not so bad, it doesn't smell if you don't breathe so much." Back in my hotel I practiced my yogic fire breathing exercises to clean the black guck out of my nostrils to prepare for a new day.

Scanning the streets of India is like eating Thali7 with your eyes. If you examine your plate- bits of spicy sauces in neat shiny silver compartments being scraped up with steaming chapatti- it conjures visions of Rajasthani women in hot fire red , orange, gold green saris, silver anklets, purple glass bangles and ear and nose rings of shiny gems.

They walk past you like instruments. Silence is death and loudness is life. Cage's 4'33"8 would sound like a noise band if recorded here.

Everday is a new experience and no experience how bad it seems, is a wasted one.

We stopped by Gaylord's to see the local folk dance after exhausting Khujuraho's "to do" possibilities. On stage out jumped a campy "gaylord" and a transvestite gone whirling Dervish to demonstrate a "Rai" dance. This was followed by a "Peacock dance" "Harvest dance" and a "Holi dance”; all of which were exactly the same- rejects from a Bollywood soda commercial. Something was a bit suspicious on the scene. I sat back politely anticipating the end only to conclude that the Tourist Theatre can be a tragic comedy and I had been playing the leading role.

1. Jainism is one of the oldest religions of the world. It believes in a cyclical nature of universe and a universe without a beginning, without an end and without a creator. Philosophical principles of Anekantvad (Non-absolutism or multi sidedness) and Syadvad (Relativity of truth) are unique only to the Jain system of thought. Karma theory has its roots in Jainism.
2. Fawlty Towers is a British television sitcom series staring John Cleese who runs a Bed and Breakfast Hotel. Basil Fawlty, ill-tempered and conniving tries in vain to be master of his house under the disapproving and ever-watchful eye of his wife, Sybil. The hotel offers service by Manuel, the incompetent Spanish waiter whose feeble grasp of English makes for hilarious misunderstandings, and Polly, the unflappable chambermaid who is Fawlty Towers' only sane employee. Meals are scorched in the kitchen while adulterers consort upstairs and chaos reigns all around. For countless fans, Fawlty Towers is the best-loved bad hotel in the world.
3. Varanasi also known as Banares is one of the most popular religious Hindu destinations in India. Sitting along the Ganges, this ancient city is crowded with pilgrims who make their way toward the river to take their spiritual dip, an act believed to cleanse all sins.
4. Kumbh Mela is one of the largest religious gatherings in the world besides Mecca. Check your calendar and your destination to not miss millions of Hindu pilgrims, Saddhus and members of international ashrams taking a holy dip in the Ganges every two years at one of the four holy Hindu cities. A holy dip in the Sacred Sangam and offering to Sun-God (Surya Devta) are believed to clean the Soul. 2001 was the 144th celebration of the Kumbh Mela cycle.
5. Saddhu, Holy man of the Hindu faith. Many Saddhus emanate Hindu Gods by painting their bodies with ash, bright colored powder. Some live a life of solitude, while others hang limbs above their head without letting it down. The Naga Saddhus are famous for their physical feats of carrying heavy objects with their genitals.
6. Calcutta is one of the largest, dirtiest and most heavily populated cities in the world. With a population of 15 million, Calcutta is notorious for its pollution and beggars.
7. Thali is a traditional Indian meal consisting of different curries served on compartmentalized silver trays and eaten with chapatti, roti or rice.
8. Experimental Improv American composer, musician, John Cage was famous for his 4’ 33” performance in which the music/sound performed was that which exists in the room. No instruments are played. The audience sits for four minutes and thirty three seconds listening to the ambient sounds of the concert hall.