Emails from China 1 | 2 | 3

From: "Angie Eng" <angie_eng@hotmail.com>
To: mailing list
Subject: The Way (Chinese 101)
Date: Thu, 03 May 2001 04:06:21 -0400

‘THE WAY’- CHINESE 101

RE NAO translation "hot and noisy"- sums up the Chinese character. Contrary to stereotypes of Chinese people avoiding public display of anger, preconceptions, perhaps founded in the confusion of mixing the Japanese for Chinese, you may witness many hot street arguments escalating into screams, shouts and punches. (I cannot attest for the educated upper classes residing in urban areas as China consists of 80% rural (i.e. poor) people.

Tibetans living in Zhondian in Yunan province.

And the noise... With professional ear cleaning a national pastime, you would think the people to have extra-sensory hearing and need not blast televisions, scream "You light up my life" in Mandarin like Kermit the Frog swallowing the karaoke mic, yell into their cellular phones, nor shout through your face to a friend two blocks away and four buildings across. (I too have been accused of screaming through walls, a trait handed down from my father, noted in grandparents, and now suspiciously, regarded as genetic.) I can vividly remember being a child (as well as adult)at my pau-pau's(grandmother on mother’s side) house in San Francisco and being awoken at 6am to the screams and shouts of my pau-pau my mother and her two sisters yacking away in Cantonese, moments relived in my mornings here in China.

KE QI, translation politeness and the insistence of compliments and offering of gifts. This doesn't mean the usual cigarette. Western etiquette nor Victorian manners are a far fetch from the translation of "ke qi". Words like "thank you", "good bye", "please" are not used so readily. Sharing amongst friends and family is already understood and expected and therefore thank-you's not necessary. A common reply to "thank-you" would be, "No,no don't worry, it is natural, you are my guest!". Good-bye's imply never to meet again and "please" is already inherent in the request.

To Western eyes and ears, China on the street can appear down right rude, and this is a confusion since "ke qi" is well respected. Never mind the cold stares, the scowls, the flinging hands which say get lost, the public nose picking and spitting or the breaking of queues. This is all surface observation. Below the surface lie ancient rituals of offerings and sharing within the house and amongst family. That is, if you manage to get past the front door, which is usually shut tight with a padlock.

Despite the negative experiences, I was fortunate to meet Kai and Mai, two friendly English teachers who embraced me with smiles. I was invited as a guest English instructor to 20 little girls and to spend the evening eating "dinner" with them and their brothers, accompanied by their "escorts". Ahem. I was delighted to meet locals who opened their door to us and appreciated their gesture of providing a "Western" meal consisting of: mayonnaise apples, sugared french fries, peeled oranges and soy sauce omelet.

And this is where "ke qi" lies- in the gesture loaded with compliments.

After partying at a Yangshuo bar. Caught in the rain the restaurant let us borrow their table umbrella. Respect to Ed's family. Ed on the right was a Thai-British student who was spending a 3 year gap in South East Asia. We met in Thailand then I was singing happy birthday to Brian when a bunch of English students joined in. I turned around and there was Ed again one year later in China. The following year he was killed at the Bali terrorits bomb attack.

I found myself engaged in a perplexing dialogue when a child speaking to my pau-pau. Being somewhat Chinese, modesty being a trait highly regarded,(even if I failed over the years) the acceptance of compliments/giving had always been hard to swallow. This is how it went...you compliment, they disregard and reject, you repeat, they repeat , exchange sides and repeat the process. One must also note, compliments are not always in the form of verbalization. There is no translation for ‘I love you’ in Cantonese.

‘Have you eaten yet?’ a common Chinese greeting says much about a culture centered around the rice bowl. Our family did not bring wrapped presents to the door, but bags of edibles: carefully selected oranges(with the nipples as this indicated juiciness), box of butter cookies, a loaf of raisin bread, dim sum or dried Chinese sausage. This is a make or break gesture and not to be disregarded.

GUANXI, translation-connections. This cannot be underestimated in China nor in a place such as New York City. This is your lottery ticket. Globally, language brings you closer, money even more so, but who you know gets you dead center. You don't speak Chinese-STRIKE 1! You are on a backpacker budget-STRIKE 2! No family nor friends here-STRIKE 3! You are Out! You will sit on the bench until you fight your way in or at least sneak as close as you can come to manage a good focused, zoomed in shot. Otherwise, be comfortable with the idea of far-sighted visions.

These kids were as cute as the cartoons. We are staring at each other in awe.

The concept of ke qi is not so foreign to me. The suspicion of outsiders within grandparents' boundaries has been witnessed over the years. "ROBERT WONG, IS NOT ALLOWED IN THIS HOUSE, FOREVER." reads a sign my grandmother posted in her front door referring to a grand daughter's lover. (We laugh, now.) Chinese New Year dinner party at the other grandparents, I bring a surprise guest only to be told I will have to sit separately from the family and friends at the table, banished from the circle and into the living room couch(dog house if there was one). I put up a good American fight and squeeze myself and my outsider friend onto a piano bench, at the table.

Being an ABC(American born Chinese), or Kongxing zhuzi(empty bamboo) I have an excuse to go against an elder's orders. After all I am #3 daughter's #3 daughter, low on the totem pole, and not too much expected of me.

Quotations from Grandma Yim:
"You are American" (this is an insult)
"We think differently" (your way is wrong)
If you forget your lessons, just remember to bring your bag of oranges(one's with nipples)